My Search for a Cortisol-ution: Update 1

Today marks week one of my battle against the cortisol monster. So far, I am not AS constantly hungry, I have successfully avoided sweets (other than chocolate, mainly dark, which has a low glycemic index and a calming effect on me), caffeine (other than the aforementioned chocolate) and junk food. So yay for me. And the longer I go without the crap, the easier it will be. As I mentioned in my previous post, I've never been a junk food kind of gal.

Sure, I like ice cream, cake, cookies or chips every now and then as well as a good burger and fries or pizza. But I usually stick to indulging things like that once every month or every couple of months because I prefer how healthier food tastes and makes me feel. And I had cut out sodas (and all caffeine) completely. Then I was drinking them once a week, then every day. And I couldn't get enough salty and sweet foods. The cravings were insatiable and no healthy substitute was working. I was consuming processed foods like a maniac, and I'm completely anti-processed foods. As a kid my mom would give me a choice between candy and fruit and fruit always won. Sure, I at snack cakes and candy now and then and my mom bought me the occasional Happy Meal. But overall my diet has always been pretty healthy.

Luckily I now realize that I was not on the road to becoming a typical fat American who lives on garbage (I mean... that stuff should literally just go straight to the trash can and never enter people's bodies). I have noticed a clear difference in my cravings, probably because there's this switch in my head that I'm pretty good at controlling. Instead of on/off it says healthy/unhealthy. Now that I've switched it to healthy, I've been craving fruits, vegetables, fish and grains. I've done research on the foods I know will help me (low-glycemic foods mainly) and have read and re-read the literature my doctor gave me. So now my brain knows the foods my body needs right now. For the most part it’s all food I know is healthy anyway. But there are certain foods, like oranges and bananas (too much potassium which will make my already overworked adrenal gland work harder) that I love but need to avoid.

As far as the way I feel, today is better than the past few days but still not excellent. I have been extremely weak and dizzy (though much stronger today) but a lot of that is due to my period (which is a natural process and therefore I chose to include it in this blog about my health). I’ve decided I’m going to go for a short walk outside, with a friend in case I have any problems, because exercise is important. And I have been feeling so lousy that even a little walk or a short yoga session can wear me out, so I try to take advantage of any day that I feel decent. Hopefully tomorrow will be even better and next week I will see a huge difference in my health. For now, I’m just happy to be back on track with healthy eating.

You can have too much of a good thing (a.k.a. I need a cortisol-ution... a.k.a. My adrenal gland is near collapse)

A few weeks ago I had some blood work done. Having been a sickly child (and a sickly teen… and a sickly adult), I’m no stranger to being poked and prodded. I have had my blood work done more than a few times, most notably when I was diagnosed with beta thalessemia minor at age six and with Fibromyalgia at age 15 (the blood test was to rule out all other possible illnesses). But I have never had to fast like I did this time.

Did I mention that the main objective of the blood work was to figure out why I have been experiencing weakness, dizzy spells and fatigue (beyond what I normally experience with FM)? Those symptoms only worsen when I haven’t eaten. So driving to the doctor’s office and having blood drawn wasn’t exactly fun. An empty stomach plus loss of blood equals a weak and grumpy Jesseca. The phlebotomists even asked me if I was all right because I was visibly shaken up (and probably even more pale than usual).

I had to fast (and come in before 9 a.m., by the by… and mornings are bad for FM sufferers) so my cortisol would be at a base level. As I found out on Wednesday, when I went back to go over my results, my base cortisol level was 37.8. According to the paperwork she gave me, the normal level between 7 and 9 a.m. is between 4 and 22. If you don’t know about cortisol (and all I knew was that it made you gain belly weight… which I have), it’s a hormone released by your adrenal gland when you're stressed out. It can be a helpful hormone, giving us energy and motivation to handle a tough situation. But my adrenal gland is clearly releasing too much of the stuff. As my doctor (well, nurse practitioner, but that’s really semantics if you ask me) put it, “Even if I didn’t know you, I’d think you were a really stressed out person.”

And I am. I realized I was, but the test results were a real wakeup call. I was relieved to find out why, for at least the past six months, I have been experiencing: dizziness (especially during my period), weakness, non-stop anxiety, irritability, depression, mood swings, severe PMS, irregular periods (as in more than on per month, even though my birth control should have stopped them altogether), weight gain (mainly in the stomach region where I’ve never carried weight before), insomnia, extreme salt and sugar cravings, hypoglycemia, lack of concentration, memory loss and an inability to handle everyday stress. As I said, I have some of those symptoms because of Fibromyalgia, but they have been much worse than usual. I have been a big, crazy ball of emotions who can’t stand for thirty minutes without feeling like passing out. There was even an incident when I nearly fainted while sitting… in the car… during traffic. In short, I was at my breaking point. I thought it was from stress-induced exhaustion because we were in the middle of moving. And I was right. Now I know the extent of the problems stress has caused.

The relief of knowing what was wrong was accompanied by fear because of how serious this issue is and can become. If I don’t get myself back into shape, my adrenal gland could exhaust its resources. Luckily, we caught the problem before things got too serious. I know what I need to do to make myself better: get more sleep (11 hours a night), change my diet (basically- more protein, more complex carbs, no caffeine or refined sugars, low potassium), exercise more (which has been hard with the weakness but should be easier in a week or so) and relax. The first three are pretty simple. I have suffered from insomnia, but she gave me a prescription for Klonopin, which I think will work. And I have always had pretty good will power when it comes to eating right and exercise (other than recent junk food binges and total lack of energy or motivation, which I now understand). But relaxation is not my forte. I have had to learn and re-learn relaxation techniques from various teachers, doctors, therapists and physical therapists. But I keep going back to my natural state of anxiety and stress.

Hopefully I can whip myself into shape and this will be the beginning of a new, relaxed (and belly-less) Jesseca. There’s also a good chance that getting my cortisol in check will help my FM go into remission. And then I will be able to work, which is actually much less stressful for me than not working.

I go back for a check up in a month and in the meantime I will to my best to post progress updates on this blog.

From four eyes to two (Update)

Today, I embarked on a great adventure. Actually, I just went to the optometrist to get new glasses and... wait for it... contacts. Although it isn't the first time I've worn contacts, it has been four years. Apparently they've done a lot with contacts since I stopped wearing them. For instance, I stopped wearing them because they exacerbated my issue with dry eyes. But Acuvue Oasys lenses take care of that. I have heard of Oasys lenses before, but I was skeptical as to their effectiveness. But I'm here to tell you that Acuvue Oasys lenses (I'm not getting a kickback from them, but I have my fingers crossed that they'll give me a few free boxes if I keep plugging their name) really are as good as they sound. My eyes were not dry for one second of the four hours I wore them.

Sadly, there is no contact lens to prevent or alleviate the headache that new wearers inevitably get. I first got contacts when I was 13 and wore them for eight years. So it's been 12 years (for those of you not to swift at math) since I first wore contacts. I had forgotten how awful it is adjusting to them. Your eyes have a terrible time trying to focus. One eye can see better than the other. You feel the eye strain that wearing the wrong prescription causes and you wonder if your optometrist knows what he or she is doing. Then after you take them out you feel instant relief, other than the lingering tension headache.

What's even better is that I went into the office with a headache, including eye pain. So I had to go through the paperwork (new doctor), the eye exam and adjusting to contacts. Needless to say, my head and eyes are not happy with me. They are actually screaming at me right now to stop writing this blog and to do something that will give them a break. But I am hard pressed to think of an activity, other than, where I won't need my eyes. I could take a walk, but not with my eyes closed. And I think the sun and wind will make my eyes unhappier. Obviously reading a book is out of the question, which is a shame because I'm reading Cormac McCarthy's Border Trilogy. Watching a movie will probably be just as bad as using my computer since I'll be staring at a screen.

But I've gotten off-topic. I meant to write this blog so I could examine what getting contacts means as far as my self-identity is concerned. For four years, almost the entire time I've lived in Denton, I have been "that girl who wear cat's eye glasses." Now, there are several girls in Denton who wear cat's eyes, but I think to most people who aren't friends we might as well be the same girl (and even friends associate me with my glasses). Or at least we all fit in the same box. But even considering the fact that I am not alone in my choice of eyewear, my glasses make me feel like me.

Perhaps I have associated my cat's eyes with my being because I have grown a lot over the past four years. I have found my path in life- journalism. And my skills as a journalist have improved drastically. I have also become more comfortable in my skin and am on a path to self-discovery (pardon my new-ageiness, but it's true). I have also finally found a man I can be in a healthy, committed relationship with. All of these things have happened to me while I was wearing the same glasses. It may seem silly of me, but I see my glasses as not only an extension of my face but an extension of myself.

So when I think about it, getting rid of my cat's eyes was probably a good move. Maybe it will help me expand my idea of myself, or at least stop identifying myself by my glasses. I am a multifaceted woman. It would be a shame to pigeonhole myself.

Update: I decided to add some pictures of myself in contacts. For anyone who doesn't know me and is reading this (creepy), or anyone who knew me before I wore glasses, this may not matter to you. But you can still enjoy the pretty pictures, yes?



On a side note, I should use a different editor and fancy-up my blog. This layout looks kind of lame. But that will come in time. Also, I was too lazy to resize the pictures, so if you click on them you have a photo big enough for your desktop! But I'm guessing only a stalker would resort to that.

Here's what Jesseca Blogherpour is all about

Along with being about my opinions on a variety of topics (mainly entertainment and politics), this blog is about me, Jesseca Bagherpour (the blog title is a pun based on my name... get it?). Actually, it's mostly about me. It's about what's going on in my life and in my head. And my opinions on various subjects will inevitably be included. Because it's about me, I thought it fitting for the first blog to be a summary of what's currently happening in my life.

In 2007 I graduated from the University of North Texas with a bachelor's degree in journalism in December 2007. Much to my dismay, I did not find a journalism job after graduation. I had to choose between moving back in with my parents until I found a real job and finding a temporary gig until I could start my career. I chose the latter, mainly because I thought moving in with my parents was a step backwards (but also because they live in my hometown of Wichita Falls and I didn't want to be there). So I decided to get a job as a waitress. I'd always wanted to try it and I figured I could make more money doing that than I could in retail. I was right. I was also right about how much I would like my job.

But I forgot to consider the toll waiting tables would take on my body. It's hard enough for the average person, but I have Fibromyalgia. After about 6 months, I had to quit working. My body couldn't handle that or any other job. So at the age of 25 I found myself being supported by my boyfriend and waiting to hear about my disability claim. I didn't expect to hear about my claim for a few months, and I expected rejection. It took a toll both on me and my boyfriend. I had hit a low point physically, financially and emotionally. I was in the worst shape I'd been in since I was first diagnosed with Fibromyalgia at 15.


Things finally started looking up at the begining of January. A woman the local Social Security office called to inform me that I was approved and would begin receiving benefits within a week. I immediately felt a great weight lift from my shoulders. When I told my boyfriend, I think he felt the same way. It was a relief not feeling like I was burdening him financially. It's not the ideal situation for me. I didn't spend eight years in college (from the ages of 16 through 24) so I could get financial support from the government. But it was certainly an improvement.

Now, two months later, I can already see an improvement in my health. I have been trying to relax while also being as active as possible. I try to engage in some form of exercise, mainly walking and yoga, at least 20 minutes a day. My goal is to be working at least part time by June. In the meantime, I am going to do a bit of unpaid freelance writing so I can work on my clips. This is a time for me to work on my emotional, spiritual and physical health and to form good habits so I don't have another relapse in 10 years. My goal is to be working at least part time by June. In the meantime, I am going to do a bit of unpaid freelance writing so I can work on my clips. I may be on a break from work, but if I want a good job when I'm better I need to write as much as I can. That is, of course, where this blog comes in. I want to build a following with it, a following which will hopefully some day include some media big wigs.

I have only given a little taste about what I am about and what's going on in my life. As I write more, my readers will learn more about my personality, background, tastes and will just get an overall better picture of who I am. While this blog is about entertaining others, it is mainly an outlet for my writing. Writing, for me, is as important as eating or even breathing. Without it, I have no life.