Cortisol-ution: Week 2

I have just finished the second week of my new lifestyle aimed at bringing down my cortisol levels and improving my overall health.

Here's a little progress report (there's a summary at the end if you want to scroll down and skip ahead... but if you had better things to do than waste time reading about me, I guess you wouldn't be here):

I am sticking to my diet quite well-- I have been fighting cravings for foods with refined sugar, refined flour and caffeine but thus far have fought all such cravings. If I want something sweet, I eat some fruit, chocolate or vanilla yogurt (which I make with vanilla extract and agave nectar). I am figuring out how to be work with agave nectar as a low-glycemic alternative to sugar. Luckily I bought it several months ago and know how to use it pretty well. I am great at making chocolate syrup only using some agave nectar and cocoa powder, bother perfectly reasonable things for me to consume. As far as salty things go, I am encouraged to use sea salt liberally, so I have no problems there. And I am trying to come up with fun recipes involving other foods I am allowed to eat. Having only a toaster oven to cook with (we just bought a gas oven but still need the couplers to connect it) and being on a restricted diet can be stressful, but I'm trying to turn it into a fun challenge. I have noticed a decrease in appetite. On the surface, that's good because I was constantly hungry before. But I am supposed to eat every three hours and lately I have to force myself to do so. I may even need to set a timer so I don't forget meals (I've been doing that as well). While I haven't noticed real improvement in the way I feel because of my diet, I know that being consistent with it will be key in getting better.

Even though I haven't noticed the good effects of my diet, I have noticed one major downside. I have been experiencing excruciating stomach cramps and other unpleasant gastronomic reactions. I think the culprits are probably all of the raw vegetables I have been eating. In particular, I have been drinking one cup of tomato juice per day to make my omega 3 liquids easier to handle (I also dissolve a teaspoon of sea salt in it to cover the orange taste of the omega 3 (orange and tomato is not a good combo... and I am not allowed oranges so I don't get why I am taking this particular formula) and because it sounds better than dissolving it in water). I have IBS and my stomach is already acidic on its own. So you can imagine what dumping a cup of tomatoes, and sometimes eating tomatoes, along with eating roughage every day is doing to my poor digestive system. The thing is, I am not supposed to drink fruit juice and I don't know what else I can put the omega 3 formula in. I have an issue with taste and texture and think anything else could enter vomit territory. I already tried it with my cereal and it was hard to finish.

As far as keeping my stress level down, I am still struggling. For as long as I can remember, I have been a worrier. I have a type A personality and want everything to be perfect. I have a need to be in control of things and my anxiety worsens when I lose that control. And it is hard for me to allow other people to do things that I think (or know) I can do better. But I have realized that I am going to have to ask David for more help, even if he doesn't do as thorough a job as I do. I mainly need help getting things unpacked and finally getting the house in order. And doing basic chores, like washing the dishes, is a draining (no pun intended) task for me. Most days I don't even attempt cleaning lately because of my lack of energy. And when I go out to run errands, especially to get groceries (another thing I have control issues about), it wipes out my energy reserves for the week. Keeping up with the bills also stresses me because I am the one who always does it and I worry about what will happen if I don't. I have been trying my best to rest without feeling like I'm being lazy. Knowing that my health depends on it helps a great deal. I mean, I knew I needed to relax with having Fibromyalgia, but knowing that my adrenal gland could tap out seems a lot more serious than having to deal with extra pain for a few days because I overdid it. I am learning to tell people "no" or "later" when they ask me to do things, even fun things. I am also learning to ask for, and possibly demand, help from the people in my life.

Along the same lines, the sleep thing is not going so well either. I just looked at the clock and it is 10:13 p.m., 13 minutes after my recommended bedtime. But I am honestly not tired. And I have had trouble getting tired, or staying tired, or falling asleep even though I'm exhausted, or staying asleep. Sleep, just like anxiety, has been a major issue I've struggled with since childhood. I was on Elavil, an antidepressant that was frequently (but not as much now) prescribed for sleep, when I was around six. And I think my anxiety has a great deal to do with it. But I've tried all manner of pills and supplements to alleviate the anxiety and/or to help me sleep. Some of them nauseated me, some of them made me feel high, some had no effect. Most worked but wore off unless I took higher and higher doses, usually reaching the highest healthy dose and being left once again with no help. The meds I am currently taking (klonopin) worked beautifully the first night and I had high hopes. But by the next night they had stopped helping. They relax me to the point of barely being able to walk, but they still don't help me sleep. Breathing techniques and guided relaxation help me fall asleep, but I almost inevitably wake up mid-sleep and struggle to fall asleep again. And being a light sleeper with a boyfriend and dog who both seem unaware of that fact doesn't help matters. I have been in bed for 11 hours almost every night as I should (and at least I haven't been shaming myself for it like I was doing before), but 8 or fewer of those hours are spent actually sleeping. I need something to turn my brain off. I overanalye things constantly, to the point of keeping myself from sleeping.

My emotional breakdowns have not improved. It would be best to ask David how many breakdowns he has seen me have over the past six months. It's hard for me to keep track... they get pretty intense so I generally don't stop in the middle and jot down which one I'm on. But my most recent one was a couple of days ago and it involved a desk. If a desk seems like a trivial thing to get upset over, you don't truly know a hormonal woman, or at least me in particular. The desk in question is a computer desk we did not have room for in the house, so we left it on the porch. Now, we were both well aware of the stringent policies in Denton banning indoor furniture from being displayed outdoors. But we assumed we would be rid of the desk before a problem arose. We were wrong. We got a letter in the mail, right before I took a trip to Wichita Falls to see my (former) pain management doctor, telling us we had 10 days to get rid of the desk. Well, being the worrier I am, I started stressing out about the desk and repeatedly reminded David to post the desk on Craigslist (he did and nobody wanted it) or find someone to haul it away (he did not do that). So, two weeks later we still had the desk and I decided to take matters into my own hands. He no longer had the pictures of the desk, so I went to the porch to take some. But the desk was not assembled. The (very heavy) shelf that goes on top was beside it. When I tried to put the (very heavy) shelf on top I dropped it and it broke in two. So when I again couldn't lift it I decided throwing the pieces of the shelf onto the front lawn would be a fine idea. That got David's attention and he told me to go take a nap. Instead I decided to lie down and sob uncontrollably for about ten minutes straight. And David was completely calm and rational the whole time. He sat beside me and comforted me. I decided not to lift heavy things without help anymore (my hands still hurt from that) and to eat my meals at regular intervals, even when I'm not hungry (I don't know how many times I have to learn that lesson). I think if I had eaten when I should have, I would not have been quite so irrational in my actions or quite so upset.

To summarize: I am eating the things I should, but my stress and anxiety levels are still too high and I need to get better quality sleep.

I am going to stay on course with my diet and do what I can to improve my sleep and relaxation. It's just hard for someone who prefers being busy to have to deal with doing very little to nothing. I basically have (or should have) Garfield's lifestyle right now-- eating several times a day and napping in between. For me, being inactive is more stressful than being overscheduled. I like having my day planned down to the minute. I like having a checklist with all the items checked off. So maybe I should have a checklist that has RELAX and SLEEP as two of the top items.

You can have too much of a good thing (a.k.a. I need a cortisol-ution... a.k.a. My adrenal gland is near collapse)

A few weeks ago I had some blood work done. Having been a sickly child (and a sickly teen… and a sickly adult), I’m no stranger to being poked and prodded. I have had my blood work done more than a few times, most notably when I was diagnosed with beta thalessemia minor at age six and with Fibromyalgia at age 15 (the blood test was to rule out all other possible illnesses). But I have never had to fast like I did this time.

Did I mention that the main objective of the blood work was to figure out why I have been experiencing weakness, dizzy spells and fatigue (beyond what I normally experience with FM)? Those symptoms only worsen when I haven’t eaten. So driving to the doctor’s office and having blood drawn wasn’t exactly fun. An empty stomach plus loss of blood equals a weak and grumpy Jesseca. The phlebotomists even asked me if I was all right because I was visibly shaken up (and probably even more pale than usual).

I had to fast (and come in before 9 a.m., by the by… and mornings are bad for FM sufferers) so my cortisol would be at a base level. As I found out on Wednesday, when I went back to go over my results, my base cortisol level was 37.8. According to the paperwork she gave me, the normal level between 7 and 9 a.m. is between 4 and 22. If you don’t know about cortisol (and all I knew was that it made you gain belly weight… which I have), it’s a hormone released by your adrenal gland when you're stressed out. It can be a helpful hormone, giving us energy and motivation to handle a tough situation. But my adrenal gland is clearly releasing too much of the stuff. As my doctor (well, nurse practitioner, but that’s really semantics if you ask me) put it, “Even if I didn’t know you, I’d think you were a really stressed out person.”

And I am. I realized I was, but the test results were a real wakeup call. I was relieved to find out why, for at least the past six months, I have been experiencing: dizziness (especially during my period), weakness, non-stop anxiety, irritability, depression, mood swings, severe PMS, irregular periods (as in more than on per month, even though my birth control should have stopped them altogether), weight gain (mainly in the stomach region where I’ve never carried weight before), insomnia, extreme salt and sugar cravings, hypoglycemia, lack of concentration, memory loss and an inability to handle everyday stress. As I said, I have some of those symptoms because of Fibromyalgia, but they have been much worse than usual. I have been a big, crazy ball of emotions who can’t stand for thirty minutes without feeling like passing out. There was even an incident when I nearly fainted while sitting… in the car… during traffic. In short, I was at my breaking point. I thought it was from stress-induced exhaustion because we were in the middle of moving. And I was right. Now I know the extent of the problems stress has caused.

The relief of knowing what was wrong was accompanied by fear because of how serious this issue is and can become. If I don’t get myself back into shape, my adrenal gland could exhaust its resources. Luckily, we caught the problem before things got too serious. I know what I need to do to make myself better: get more sleep (11 hours a night), change my diet (basically- more protein, more complex carbs, no caffeine or refined sugars, low potassium), exercise more (which has been hard with the weakness but should be easier in a week or so) and relax. The first three are pretty simple. I have suffered from insomnia, but she gave me a prescription for Klonopin, which I think will work. And I have always had pretty good will power when it comes to eating right and exercise (other than recent junk food binges and total lack of energy or motivation, which I now understand). But relaxation is not my forte. I have had to learn and re-learn relaxation techniques from various teachers, doctors, therapists and physical therapists. But I keep going back to my natural state of anxiety and stress.

Hopefully I can whip myself into shape and this will be the beginning of a new, relaxed (and belly-less) Jesseca. There’s also a good chance that getting my cortisol in check will help my FM go into remission. And then I will be able to work, which is actually much less stressful for me than not working.

I go back for a check up in a month and in the meantime I will to my best to post progress updates on this blog.